Confession

Well, it's 2030 right now (for those who don't know what I'm talking about, it's 8:30PM, get used to it, I'm using military time). And I'm tired! Very very sleepy!!! I'm so excited that tomorrow is Friday and then a 3 day weekend!!! Woohoo!!!! I can't wait!!! For some reason, it's a much needed rest and my kitchen is a must needed cleaning too!

Earlier this week, I finally went back to the gym. Strange though, exercising started my round ligament pains. Isn't that lovely?!?! I don't feel anything if I'm sitting down or laying down. But as soon as I get up to move about, my left pelvic starts to hurt... Pretty much like a sore muscle. Oh and I did take it easy at the gym. Light weight, maxed out at 28lbs. Heart rate at a decent pace, as in, I can still talk while exercising. Hopefully it goes away soon!

In just a couple more weeks, I get to SEE my baby!!! It's quite exciting! But I have this feeling like I shouldn't be pregnant. Or that it's just so unbelievable that I'm pregnant. Or even that it feels like I'm too young to be pregnant. I mean, come on! I know I'm 28 years old, that's for sure not young at all and not only that married for 4 years? Maybe it just hasn't hit me yet...

But here's my confession... Since finding out I was pregnant, there's been so many times that I've thought in my head "Man, I regret getting pregnant." How on earth can someone say that? How on earth can I say that? But I do! And I feel so guilty every time. I don't think of it often, but it's an on and off feeling. If you're wondering, why do I feel guilty? Well a few reasons. 1) being selfish and 2) a life is growing inside of me. Now, don't get ahead of yourself, since I found out I'm pregnant, I've done anything and everything I can to my own will power to be as healthy and fit as possible for me and the baby. I want the best for the both of us.

I'm not too sure if anyone would understand what I mean about being selfish. But let's go back about a year ago. A year ago, I was working on losing weight and gaining strength, stamina, and mentally preparing myself for the Marine Corps. I was working on trying to become a Marine! I had Greg and all my family supporting me. I know a lot of Marines who were supportive as well. And one who I wanted to be because she is one hell of a Marine. I wanted to be like her. Honestly, other than Greg, she was my Idol. I was honestly striving to be as strong, fit and determined like her. I mean seriously, Cpl in 2 years??? 2 YEARS! From what I've been told, that's hard to do. If she reads this, she knows I'm talking about her. But since I got pregnant, There's been feeling of failure lurking in me. Regret of getting pregnant. And I keep telling myself that things happen for a reason. I know I've come a LONG way since the day that I decided I wanted to go into the Marine Corps. If you knew me back then, you'd know how much of a door mat I was. I was afraid to speak up my mind. I would honestly call myself a weakling back then. I'd cry over the dumbest shit, I'd stress over the stupidest, smallest things. I hated myself, I hated my weight, the way I look, you name it. The day Greg said "you won't be able to make it into the Marine Corps" was the day I decided to change. And I did. So there is some kind of accomplishment. But not completely fulfilling. There's always plan B as I know life does change in a blink of an eye. I just wish that feeling would go away. Maybe it's because we never really planned to get pregnant, we just kind of went with the flow. And I still don't feel like I'm pregnant. I do, unforutnatley, have the symptoms of a pregnant woman. And I've heard my baby's heartbeat each time I'm at the Dr's office. So I hope my feelings does change. Greg said I can live vicariously through our son/daughter. But to me, that just doesn't feel like it's enough.

When people ask if I'm still going into the Marine Corps, I actually start tearing up. I honestly feel like a complete failure for not completing that task. Why am I not joining? By the time I'm 29 (which is the cut off age to get INTO boot camp), the baby will be 6 months old. I can't do that to my child. If I was younger and had more time, I would probably do my damnedest as I know there are Women Marines who've done just that.

The Ultrasound is on July 14th. I hope that it hits me that I'm pregnant and that thought of being a Marine more than a Mom will soon subside. Things happen for a reason. Just wish I knew what the reason is.

Week 16 Prenatal Exam

So today I had my 16 week prenatal exam. I always look forward to that because I get to hear the baby's heartbeat each time :-). My OB is quite happy at how I am doing with the pregnancy! Since my 6 week prenatal I have lost 2lbs total since my 6 week prenatal exam and my blood pressure has been normal as well. I'm quite happy with that because I know I'm doing good. And no, I'm not trying to starve myself. I'm trying to eat healthier and exercise (well except the past 3 weeks, i blame pregnancy hormones, which is actually the culprit). Exercise also helped me lower my blood pressure and keep it normal! Oh, i've read somewhere that statistics say that women who are overweight, majority of them tend to gain more weight than what they are suggested to do. So I'm REALLY happy that I did not add to the statistics!

My OB (I really like her, she's so sweet and down to earth) she asked if I started feeling the baby move yet. I told her that I'm not quite sure, but i've been feeling a lot of short and faint muscle spasms and bubbles in my lower belly. She smiled and said "yup". Hehe, so that's quite exciting that I have been feeling my baby move. After the prenatal,I headed downstairs to do some more blood work. My 2nd trimester genetics test screening. For some reason when I was watching the lady poke the needle in my arm, it didn't hurt as much as I expected it. FYI: I always look away, I HATE needles... Ask my dad, he has a really funny story!

Well, After all that fun, I went straight to American River Crossfit to get some crossfit in. I've been deprived of not going for so long!!!! For today's WOD it was the AOTM (Athlete of the Month) WOD. I decided to kick it down a few and do a WOD off of Crossfit Mom. The warmup we did, i started feeling some cramps in my hip/lower abs. So i'd slow it down until it went away. I'd feel it on and off, but it wasn't painful, it was just annoying. Thanks 2nd trimester round ligament pain... you're such a joy... Hopefully getting back into crossfit will slowly start easing the pain and make it easier to do the WODS and lifting. Don't worry, my lifts max out at 30lbs.

Time for bed for me :-)

Showing?!?!

Well, I'm 13 weeks pregnant now. This Thursday will be 14 weeks and into my 2nd trimester!!! woohoo!!! I'm still tired as hell, especially lately since I haven't been sleeping well at all. As soon as I get to bed, I'd have to get up and pee! This is of course right after I went before hitting the sack... Then after having to get up off the bed to pee and back to bed again... an hour later, i have to pee again! Ugh! No wonder I have lack of sleep lately! On top of that, i've been really nauseas lately too. To the point where I actually gag and hope that I don't puke! *Cries* "the joys of being pregnant" as some women will tell me... Joys??? JOYS?!?!?! how is lack of sleep and feeling nauseas a "joy"??? I was in a deeeeeep sleep during my lunch hour today, throughout my whole lunch! I was so tired, I actually fell asleep in front of my computer 10 minutes (i think) before my lunch even started. So i decided, eh, what the hell, i'll just sleep through my lunch. Hopefully things will become better in the 2nd trimester.

Oh, and apparently I'm starting to show! WTH??? Where did this bump come from?!?!?! I wasn't expecting to actually show until I'm around 20 weeks because I am overweight (not too much, but enough that it will take me a while to actually start showing). Maybe I'm not as overweight as I thought I am? or maybe the shape of my body allows me to start showing around this time as usually women who are in their "ideal" weight start showing around this time. So I gotta start buying some tops as my shirts are really starting to piss me off because they're just too short!

So, I will be leaving Thursday early afternoon to fly down to So. Cal for the weekend! 2011 Cousinhood!!!! Now, if you're wondering what "cousinhood" is, it's our yearly get together with the female cousins (daughters of the sisters of my dad's side of the family). I can't wait and hopefully i can handle the flight! Flying jet blue for the first time too! I heard great reviews about them, so I'm excited! I'll be getting things ready tomorrow after work, packing and stuff like that. Bubbas will be staying with Aunt Mayra and Uncle Frank for the weekend with their new pup Lola. At least he'll have a friend with him, even though he's like 20x bigger than Lola. If I have time, i should visit the Palm Springs Crossfit since it's only a street away from where we will be staying. I haven't gone to crossfit at all tihs week. With the combination of tiredness and getting things ready, it's been kind of hard to do!

So, I shall close this blog and bid you all a good night as this mama is really needing some sleep!

Party!!!

Sorry it's been a while. Lack of internet connection makes it difficult to keep this up to date.

Well, on July 14, Greg and I will see the ultrasound Tech to find out the sex of the baby... BUT! Instead of finding out that day, we're going to ask the Ultrasound Tech to write it on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope that we provide. We're going to wait a month and Greg and I are going to celebrate our birthdays together. We will actually find out the sex of the baby on August 6, 2011. The ONLY person that will know the sex of the baby other than the ultrasound tech will be the baker that we choose to go with. What we will do is hand the envelope to the baker and ask the baker to color the cake or inside frosting to coincide with the gender of the baby. When we have our birthday party and it's time to cut the cake, that's when we will find out the sex of the baby.

Now I know you're wondering why we're waiting almost a month to find out. Well, we want our family to be part of it but not only that, Greg is only home once a month and we have a lot of priorities now that we can't afford him being home more than that. He'll be home for the ultrasound and then again for the party. Another thing is, Greg used to go to the fox hunt every year for his birthday and I want to make sure he doesn't miss it this year as he has missed it every year for the past 4 years he's been back to Sacramento. And of course I want to go too to watch some cars get burned to the ground :-) hehe... The drag races are awesome as well... anywho...

We're very excited and I can't wait!!!!

How's the mama doing? well, I'm doing just fine! Still tired during the day but I've been able to make it to crossfit twice a week now! Now to just try to bump that up to thrice... I most definitely miss the heavy weights and intensity though... Doing max weights at 30lbs for the oly lifts but 23lbs max for any wods. Can't do sit ups now either, so my hands been hurting hanging on to the pull up bars doing knees to chest. Least i'm conditioning them for kipping pull ups :). One day I'll get it, but I know it's not any time soon AT ALL!

I've noticed i've been craving a lot of sweets lately and a lot of meat and rice. That's all I want, meat and rice... with a desert of chocolate! I don't pig out, thank goodness and i've been watching my weight. I eat till i'm full, but sometimes if it's that good, i can't help myself but to keep eating! Lately though, not a lot of food has been tasting too good for me though and it's killing me because I know i have to eat, but I just can't stomach the food. I made roast 2 nights ago, either it was missing something or the baby didn't like it. Who knows... I need a good recipe!