Confession

Well, it's 2030 right now (for those who don't know what I'm talking about, it's 8:30PM, get used to it, I'm using military time). And I'm tired! Very very sleepy!!! I'm so excited that tomorrow is Friday and then a 3 day weekend!!! Woohoo!!!! I can't wait!!! For some reason, it's a much needed rest and my kitchen is a must needed cleaning too!

Earlier this week, I finally went back to the gym. Strange though, exercising started my round ligament pains. Isn't that lovely?!?! I don't feel anything if I'm sitting down or laying down. But as soon as I get up to move about, my left pelvic starts to hurt... Pretty much like a sore muscle. Oh and I did take it easy at the gym. Light weight, maxed out at 28lbs. Heart rate at a decent pace, as in, I can still talk while exercising. Hopefully it goes away soon!

In just a couple more weeks, I get to SEE my baby!!! It's quite exciting! But I have this feeling like I shouldn't be pregnant. Or that it's just so unbelievable that I'm pregnant. Or even that it feels like I'm too young to be pregnant. I mean, come on! I know I'm 28 years old, that's for sure not young at all and not only that married for 4 years? Maybe it just hasn't hit me yet...

But here's my confession... Since finding out I was pregnant, there's been so many times that I've thought in my head "Man, I regret getting pregnant." How on earth can someone say that? How on earth can I say that? But I do! And I feel so guilty every time. I don't think of it often, but it's an on and off feeling. If you're wondering, why do I feel guilty? Well a few reasons. 1) being selfish and 2) a life is growing inside of me. Now, don't get ahead of yourself, since I found out I'm pregnant, I've done anything and everything I can to my own will power to be as healthy and fit as possible for me and the baby. I want the best for the both of us.

I'm not too sure if anyone would understand what I mean about being selfish. But let's go back about a year ago. A year ago, I was working on losing weight and gaining strength, stamina, and mentally preparing myself for the Marine Corps. I was working on trying to become a Marine! I had Greg and all my family supporting me. I know a lot of Marines who were supportive as well. And one who I wanted to be because she is one hell of a Marine. I wanted to be like her. Honestly, other than Greg, she was my Idol. I was honestly striving to be as strong, fit and determined like her. I mean seriously, Cpl in 2 years??? 2 YEARS! From what I've been told, that's hard to do. If she reads this, she knows I'm talking about her. But since I got pregnant, There's been feeling of failure lurking in me. Regret of getting pregnant. And I keep telling myself that things happen for a reason. I know I've come a LONG way since the day that I decided I wanted to go into the Marine Corps. If you knew me back then, you'd know how much of a door mat I was. I was afraid to speak up my mind. I would honestly call myself a weakling back then. I'd cry over the dumbest shit, I'd stress over the stupidest, smallest things. I hated myself, I hated my weight, the way I look, you name it. The day Greg said "you won't be able to make it into the Marine Corps" was the day I decided to change. And I did. So there is some kind of accomplishment. But not completely fulfilling. There's always plan B as I know life does change in a blink of an eye. I just wish that feeling would go away. Maybe it's because we never really planned to get pregnant, we just kind of went with the flow. And I still don't feel like I'm pregnant. I do, unforutnatley, have the symptoms of a pregnant woman. And I've heard my baby's heartbeat each time I'm at the Dr's office. So I hope my feelings does change. Greg said I can live vicariously through our son/daughter. But to me, that just doesn't feel like it's enough.

When people ask if I'm still going into the Marine Corps, I actually start tearing up. I honestly feel like a complete failure for not completing that task. Why am I not joining? By the time I'm 29 (which is the cut off age to get INTO boot camp), the baby will be 6 months old. I can't do that to my child. If I was younger and had more time, I would probably do my damnedest as I know there are Women Marines who've done just that.

The Ultrasound is on July 14th. I hope that it hits me that I'm pregnant and that thought of being a Marine more than a Mom will soon subside. Things happen for a reason. Just wish I knew what the reason is.

Week 16 Prenatal Exam

So today I had my 16 week prenatal exam. I always look forward to that because I get to hear the baby's heartbeat each time :-). My OB is quite happy at how I am doing with the pregnancy! Since my 6 week prenatal I have lost 2lbs total since my 6 week prenatal exam and my blood pressure has been normal as well. I'm quite happy with that because I know I'm doing good. And no, I'm not trying to starve myself. I'm trying to eat healthier and exercise (well except the past 3 weeks, i blame pregnancy hormones, which is actually the culprit). Exercise also helped me lower my blood pressure and keep it normal! Oh, i've read somewhere that statistics say that women who are overweight, majority of them tend to gain more weight than what they are suggested to do. So I'm REALLY happy that I did not add to the statistics!

My OB (I really like her, she's so sweet and down to earth) she asked if I started feeling the baby move yet. I told her that I'm not quite sure, but i've been feeling a lot of short and faint muscle spasms and bubbles in my lower belly. She smiled and said "yup". Hehe, so that's quite exciting that I have been feeling my baby move. After the prenatal,I headed downstairs to do some more blood work. My 2nd trimester genetics test screening. For some reason when I was watching the lady poke the needle in my arm, it didn't hurt as much as I expected it. FYI: I always look away, I HATE needles... Ask my dad, he has a really funny story!

Well, After all that fun, I went straight to American River Crossfit to get some crossfit in. I've been deprived of not going for so long!!!! For today's WOD it was the AOTM (Athlete of the Month) WOD. I decided to kick it down a few and do a WOD off of Crossfit Mom. The warmup we did, i started feeling some cramps in my hip/lower abs. So i'd slow it down until it went away. I'd feel it on and off, but it wasn't painful, it was just annoying. Thanks 2nd trimester round ligament pain... you're such a joy... Hopefully getting back into crossfit will slowly start easing the pain and make it easier to do the WODS and lifting. Don't worry, my lifts max out at 30lbs.

Time for bed for me :-)

A nice surprise...

Last Tuesday morning, Greg text me at about 4:30am and asked if I was awake. So I called him because it was kind of odd for him to text me at 4:30am. I told him i was kind of awake as I hve been tossing and turning for a little while trying to get back to sleep. So he said "can you open the door for me?" I was quite shocked to hear him say that and I said "you're home?!?!" He laughed and said yes. I was so excited... And at the same time wasn't feeling too well as I still had a headache from over the weekend. I actually had to call in sick that day because of the headache :-(. But it was all good as I got to hang out with Greg too. He was home for a good week and a half. It was so nice to have that. Sucks on our finances, but worth it as that's a rarity. He took me to work the rest of the week which was nice because I can sleep in a little longer and i don't have to pay for parking.

For the rest of the week, we were getting ready for the weekend as we were going up to ice house to go shooting/camping. We left with a few friends of ours on Saturday, I didn't shoot as much, but it was still a nice change. Of course I shot my 5.7 and the AR and I'm good after that. haha. We set up tents when it started to cool down a little more. It was just us and 2 other friends of ours that went camping with us. It was still a lot of fun. The camp fire was all set up and we were.... well... playing with it. We threw a couple soda cans in it and a few glass bottles as well. The soda cans liquefied and the bottles melted... That's how hot the camp fire was. The next morning the guys shot a couple rounds through, had breakfast and then packed up. All in all it was a lot of fun. Would love to do it again, but hopefully near a body of water of some sort! haha

On Sunday eve, Greg and I went to the movies to watch Pirates of the Caribbean for our date night/anniversary/father's day thing. Mr. T was soooo tired that we ALMOST snuck out without him even noticing! We were soooo close! Anywho, the movie was great. We watched it in 3D. We didn't like the after credit's preview for the next movie though. Oh well. Lots of great movies this summer.

Greg actually left Wed. morning. He was on his way down to Fontana as our buddy Kevin was getting ready to take his Class A license the next morning and they were supposed to take off that day but apparently the office didn't set up his driver code. So they chilled in Fontana and watched The Hangover 2. Greg said he wants to wait and watch the Green Lantern with me. So i guess when he's home again, we'll watch that movie and maybe a couple other more as there is quite a few coming out this summer.

Greg will actually be home July 13th because the ultrasound to see the baby will be July 14th adn I really want him to be there! It's going to be exciting for us!!!

Anyways, off for me to do... well.... I'm not quite sure on this beautiful spring like weather Saturday.

back to reality

Well... I made it home safe and sound Monday night. I picked up bubbas and boy was he ready to go home! Guess he got tired of Lola (my friend's dog) constantly playing with him. I had a great and horrible vacation! It started off with a headache. Just a small one at first as soon as I got to the airport. So, I bought some water and just drank. It wasn't that bad at all. I arrived safely at Long Beach airport, it was my first time flying Jet Blue, and my mom arrived shortly after. Still had a small headache, but bearable. So, as soon as my mom arrived, I asked if we can get Yoshinoya. And on the way home, we did... oh boy was I happy! (Man, now I'm craving it again)

As soon as I got to my moms, dogs were nowhere to be found. I was calling Click and he wasn't responding. Mackie was the first to arrive to greet me. Wow has she grown since the last time I saw her. As excited as I as to see her, I really wanted to see Click. I actually started video taping as soon as I got inside the house. I walked towards the stairs, and guess who I saw? It was click! He was kind of shocked and amazed I was home! He does this cute thing where he just does not no what to do with himself. He bounces all over the place, runs up and down the stairs and this time, he started whining!!! Awww, it was just too cute. He was so overjoyed that everytime I try to pet him, he runs off. As soon as I get a hold of him, I get kisses galore! Oh how I love that dog! Of course the whole entire time I was trying to get a hold of Click, Mackie jumps in front of him for attention too.

After all that excitement, I sat down, ate my Yoshinoya and chit chatted with my parents. I left later that night to pick up my 2 younger sisters so that we can head out to palm springs for cousinhood 2011. What happens in cousinhood stays only with us :-). All in all, I had a blast! The only downside was having a headache all weekend and trying every home remedy there was out there including taking Tylenol. Nothing worked! Called the advice nurse, not much they can do and I had to wait until Monday to get a call about an appointment to see a Dr. about the headaches. The advice nurse also told me if it got worse to go to the ER. Sunday came around and we were on our way back to my mom's. Well, as soon as I got to my mom's, I ran to the bathroom and started puking! Oh it was horrible! Click was so excited to see me, but I was too busy puking my brains out to even notice him. After all that fun, my mom fixed my bed and brought an ice pack for me so that I can rest. I think i slept for an hour or so, woke up with a worse headache and went downstairs. Checked my blood pressure and it was normal and told my mom that maybe I should go to the ER. Got to the ER, they couldn't do anything for me either except prescribe me anti-nausea medication. Ugh, oh well, I tried to have fun... On to working

Vacation!!

So, I'll be leaving Sacramento in a few hours and on my way to Orange County to be with my cousins and sister for 2011 cousinhood!!! I'm excited! But on my way back to my mom's house, I'm most definintly going to ask her to stop by Yoshinoya! Ohhh Yumm!!!! I miss that place soooo much, I cna't waint to have Yoshinoya!

Well, last night was the first night I didn't have bubbas with me. It was quite.... lonely... I get to see him Monday night though for sure :-) This weekend though, when I'm at my mom's, I'll be surrounded by 3 dogs! Can't wait to see them either!

Well, hopefully I'll keep you updated this weekend, but we shall see how busy we will be!

Showing?!?!

Well, I'm 13 weeks pregnant now. This Thursday will be 14 weeks and into my 2nd trimester!!! woohoo!!! I'm still tired as hell, especially lately since I haven't been sleeping well at all. As soon as I get to bed, I'd have to get up and pee! This is of course right after I went before hitting the sack... Then after having to get up off the bed to pee and back to bed again... an hour later, i have to pee again! Ugh! No wonder I have lack of sleep lately! On top of that, i've been really nauseas lately too. To the point where I actually gag and hope that I don't puke! *Cries* "the joys of being pregnant" as some women will tell me... Joys??? JOYS?!?!?! how is lack of sleep and feeling nauseas a "joy"??? I was in a deeeeeep sleep during my lunch hour today, throughout my whole lunch! I was so tired, I actually fell asleep in front of my computer 10 minutes (i think) before my lunch even started. So i decided, eh, what the hell, i'll just sleep through my lunch. Hopefully things will become better in the 2nd trimester.

Oh, and apparently I'm starting to show! WTH??? Where did this bump come from?!?!?! I wasn't expecting to actually show until I'm around 20 weeks because I am overweight (not too much, but enough that it will take me a while to actually start showing). Maybe I'm not as overweight as I thought I am? or maybe the shape of my body allows me to start showing around this time as usually women who are in their "ideal" weight start showing around this time. So I gotta start buying some tops as my shirts are really starting to piss me off because they're just too short!

So, I will be leaving Thursday early afternoon to fly down to So. Cal for the weekend! 2011 Cousinhood!!!! Now, if you're wondering what "cousinhood" is, it's our yearly get together with the female cousins (daughters of the sisters of my dad's side of the family). I can't wait and hopefully i can handle the flight! Flying jet blue for the first time too! I heard great reviews about them, so I'm excited! I'll be getting things ready tomorrow after work, packing and stuff like that. Bubbas will be staying with Aunt Mayra and Uncle Frank for the weekend with their new pup Lola. At least he'll have a friend with him, even though he's like 20x bigger than Lola. If I have time, i should visit the Palm Springs Crossfit since it's only a street away from where we will be staying. I haven't gone to crossfit at all tihs week. With the combination of tiredness and getting things ready, it's been kind of hard to do!

So, I shall close this blog and bid you all a good night as this mama is really needing some sleep!

New things are always nice!

So last night I bought an old school Minolta x-700 Camera with 3 lenses, 1 fish eye lens attachment, 3 filters, 13 rolls of black and white film, 2 color rolls and 1 infrared rolls all for $80!!! So stoked!!! It's been so long since i've played with a camera. Last time I played with a camera like that was back in HS!!!! Can't wait to see what I can come up with. Hopefully one day I can take some great pictures like a few friends of mine in socal who take amazing pictures.

Well, this week has been ok. I went to the gym once only this week. I did get to bottle my beer today! woohoo (not like i can drink it anyways) but it's a cherry wheat. When Greg gets home, he'll have some beer waiting! :) Gonna look up some recipes for another batch. Probably going to make another batch or two for the party. I'm really hoping this one turned out ok. I didn't quite follow instructions as I was kind of in a ditzy moment when brewing. I guess we shall see.

Oh, in a couple days, I'll be in so cal!!! woohoo, can't wait to see my family and close friends. Been a while, i think since Christmas. It'll be cousinhood 2011! all the female cousins will be there minus 1 :(.

Anywho, gonna wrap this up, it's late and been really tired. I hope I'm not catching a cold!